Move over, Bulwer-Litton

Who do you think could write a sentence this bad?

A ton of finely tuned muscle, hide glistening, the crest of his mane risen in full sexual display, and his neck curved in an exaggerated arch that reminded Greg of a horse he'd seen in an old tapestry in some castle in Europe Jane had dragged him to.

If you find yourself thinking that's Senatorial syntax, give yourself a cigar.